Posts Tagged ‘guitar humor’

  • You can play your Guitar any time of the month.
  • Guitars don’t have parents.
  • Guitars don’t whine… unless you want them to.
  • You can share your Guitar with your friends.
  • Guitars don’t care how many other Guitars you’ve played
  • Guitars don’t care how many other Guitars you have.
  • Guitars don’t care if you look at other Guitars.
  • Guitars don’t care if you buy Guitar magazines.
  • You’ll never hear, “Surprise, you are going to proud father of a new Guitar” unless you go out to buy one yourself.
  • If your Guitar is flat you can fix it (well… that can be “fixed” on a woman too).
  • Your Guitar doesn’t care if you never listen to it.
  • Your Guitar won’t care if you leave up the toilet seat.
  • You don’t have to be jealous of the guy who works on your Guitar.
  • If you say bad things to your Guitar, you don’t have to apologize before you play it again.
  • You can play your Guitar as long as you want and it won’t get sore.
  • You can stop playing your Guitar as soon as you want and it won’t get frustrated.
  • Your parents won’t remain in touch with your old Guitar after you dump it.
  • Guitars don’t get headaches.
  • Guitars don’t insult you if you’re a bad player.
  • Your Guitar never wants a night out with the other Guitars.
  • Guitars don’t care if you’re late.
  • You don’t have to take a shower before you play your Guitar.
  • If your Guitar doesn’t look good you can refinish it or get new parts.
  • You can play your Guitar the first time you meet it, without having to take it to dinner, see a movie, or meet its mother.
  • The only protection you have to wear when playing your Guitar is a decent pick.
  • When in mixed company, you can talk about what a great time you had the last time you played your Guitar.
  • You can mute your Guitar and it won’t complain.
  • Your Guitar won’t mind if you bend its G-string.

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Imagine someone walking into or past an ongoing conversation between guitarists and hearing things like the following. I wonder what their responses might be. Here are some possible thoughts…

“…yeah, my G string sticks and makes it hard to play,” with the associated reply of, “Then you should lube your nut so that it moves back and forth more easily. A sharp pencil will work…”

If it sticks, it shouldn’t get hard… F$#k ME! A pencil? Where the hell do you put it? Oh well, to each their own…

“I must play on my G string a lot. Can’t believe how much crap gets built up on it.”

Naturally… and you wouldn’t even have play with your G string to get crap on it…

“Man, that thing has an incredibly tight bottom-end. You can really rip it up.”

Thing? As in dog? Donkey? Dude, you need help. This is one situation where sticking with your own kind is a good thing!

“…all in black. No exposed joints anywhere.”

What? You describing that nun, Sister Mary Elephant?

“…incredible lines on that one. Graceful neck, and a body with perfect curves. Just oozes elegance…”

Damn! I’m gettin’ all hot and bothered. I’d love to meet her…”

“Every time I put my fingers around her neck and move up and down, she just sings with joy.”

Man, that’s one f#$ked up chick! Hope you don’t leave bruise marks…….

Context, context, context…

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gstringDon’t you love double entendres, especially when they’re said completely by accident?

I was on the GuitarGearHeads.com forum this evening checking on a thread I posted to, mssmith, posted this in reference to the new Reason Bambino:

Last night my wife asked me what I want for Christmas, so I said a Bambino (we have 4 girls already) and she almost had a heart attack. Then I told her what I meant and got snubbed. Go figure….

I almost fell out of my chair when I read this! I have to pass this on to the Reason guys!

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